What I have learned from my grandchildren about love

As the song says, "Breaking up is hard to do." You are overcome by all kinds of feelings such as grief, loss, sadness, anger, betrayal, and abandonment. Plus, getting over a break up is not something to be rushed. I know as I am living proof. I have been living the single life for the past nine months and not loving it. In past break ups, God has always provided someone else to love but not this time. Someone mentioned to me that maybe there were things I needed to learn this time and I had to experience the grief through the four seasons. (I only have one more season to go.) I saw a movie that had a quote at the end of it which brought it home for me. The quote is from Rainer Maria Rilke. She said, "For one human to love another, that is perhaps the most difficult of all our tasks. The work for which all other work is but preparation." I am looking at my year of inner reflection as the preparation for me to be able to love another human being the way that I want to be loved and treated.

I have used this time to really take a look at myself, the relationship, and the things I could have done different. I have spent a lot of time thinking on this knowing there were mistakes made. Driving back and forth between St. Louis and Muscatine gives me time to think on this subject and during this last trip I had an epiphany brought on by a visit to my grandchildren.

There is something special about a relationship between a grandparent and a grandchild. If we could apply that same special bond to our relationships with our spouse, significant other, etc., I think the divorce rate in this country would go down. Helen Keller said it best, "All that we love deeply becomes a part of us." I realize that we love our grandchildren because they are part of us but shouldn't we love another human (not blood related) the same way?

Some of the things I have learned from my grandchildren that I will apply to a new relationship are as follows:

1. My grandchildren love me unconditionally and I love them the same way. I may not always like what they do or the decisions they make, but we will always have that love bond.

2. You sometimes hurt the one you love and make mistakes but if the two parties can work to get passed the hurt and mistakes, the bond will be even stronger. This past weekend, I was spending time with Madison. She had gotten a play unicorn on a stick for Christmas, the kind you sit on and run around the house like you are riding it. I was bouncing the soft, cushy part of the unicorn off the top of her head and she was giggling. Then she thought she needed to do the same thing to me only instead of the soft part, she hit me in the head with the stick. Seeing what she had done, her parents told her to go stand in the corner and of course she cried about it. I told them if she had to stand in the corner then so did I because she was just repeating what I can done to her except her judgment was off a little bit. We all make mistakes because we aren't perfect. My grandchildren are showing me how imperfect I was when it came to loving someone else.

3. It is okay to spoil each other once in awhile. I have learned that it is okay to spend a little bit of money on someone you love. Fortunately, the things I can buy for my grandchildren don't have to be worth much but they love it when grandma gets them something a little special.

4. Communication is important. It is amazing how much time I spend just listening to Madison babble on about anything. Yet, when it came to being in a relationship with someone, I hardly spent any time at all just sitting down and talking. Sometimes our communication is just my rubbing her back or her hand and sometimes she and I engage in playing make believe, but whatever the case, she has my undivided attention and I have hers. If only we could give our mates that same kind of attention. I am guilty for not doing so.

5. Grandparents and grandchildren are good at helping each other when one or the other is sick or sad. Taylinn wasn't feeling well last weekend and she just needed grandma to hold her and rock her a little bit. It is so nice to know that someone cares for us when we don't feel good.

6. We just want to feel safe. I figured this out about a month ago when I drove home. It was one of the weekends that my grandson Kemper got to spend with his mom and my son. I was late getting in but Kemper and Madison were up to see me. As I carried my stuff into the house, I heard Kemper yell "Grandma Judy". I told him "hi" and continued to bring my stuff into the house. By the time I got finished (maybe 5 to 10 minutes) and went into the living room, he was already fast asleep on the couch.

7. It is okay to be funny with each other. Some of the best times we have had is when we are doing something funny, whether it is talking in funny voices, reading a funny book, or just playing. I have learned that it is okay to have quiet times with each other but it is important to also spend some time together doing fun things...maybe something as simple as walking the dog down the gravel road or chasing one of the farm cats.  All that matters is being together and being made to feel special.

8. Sometimes we just need to bare it all so everyone know where we stand with them. When the walls are down, we may feel vulnerable but that is when growth can take place.

These are just some of the things I have learned from them that I want to take with me into my next relationship. Sometimes love is all you need.

Until next time.

Your loving daughter, Judy.