Love is Not a Fight

I was driving home from visiting the kids and grandkids a couple of weeks ago and heard a song I really liked. It is called "Love is Not a Fight". Of course, it also made me start thinking what it is about me that I haven't been able to find the one person who wants to hang in there with me, through thick and think. The lyrics are:

Love is not a place to come and go as we please.
It's a house we enter in then commit to never leave.
So lock the door behind you; throw away the key
We'll work it out together; let it bring us to our knees.

Love is a shelter in a raging storm. Love is peace in the middle of a war.
And if we try to leave, may God send angels to guard the door.
No, love is not a fight but it's something worth fighting for.

To some, love is a word that they can fall into.
But when they're falling out, keeping that word is hard to do.
Love with come to save us if we'll only call.
He will ask nothing from us but demand we give our all.

I will fight for you. Would you fight for me?
It's worth fighting for.

Ever since my breakup, I have felt so disconnected and lonely. I know that I can live alone and by myself but it isn't something I want to do. I would love to have the kind of relationship the two of you had. You spent 57 years together and even at the end of your life dad, I could tell how much mom loved you.

I have been doing some soul searching as I mentioned before. Do I have what it takes to be in a loving, committed relationship? It seems that after a period of six years the people I love tend not to think so and I am left wondering what I did wrong. I have learned so much about myself these past nine months. I know that being in a relationship helps us eliminate loneliness, multiply our effectiveness, enjoy life, and bless us with relational intimacy. Love shows us our need to grow and deal with our own issues and self-centeredness through the help of a lifelong partner.

I heard about something called the Love Dare. It is a way for couples to work out there problems using scripture. I found a daily devotional book on this same principle and decided to purchase it. Unfortunately, at this point in my life I don't have anyone to share it with but there are some things I am taking away from reading it. One of the things about this book is that it is a journey of exploring and demonstrating genuine love, even when our desire is dry and motives low.

One thing they stress which I totally agree with is that love is a decision, not just a feeling. It is selfless, sacrificial and transformational. I also agree with the author's statement about the quality of our life being directly tied to the amount of love flowing in you and through you to others. The absence of sharing love with someone else has left a devastating void in me.

I can hear the two of you say that there are other fish in the sea but what if a person doesn't want another fish. The weird thing is the other times I have gone through a breakup, God has put another person in my life to take their place but not this time. What am I supposed to take away from that? What is it that I am supposed to learn? I know that God walks with me and will provide for me. He has so many times before but I hate the fact that it is taking so long. Other times I have prayed for help, my prayers were answered in a relatively short amount of time like when our houses sold, when I sold my car, when I was looking for a job in St. Louis. So why can't my prayers be answered soon about love invading my life and my heart? I am getting older and want to share my life with someone. I know that person will have to be a Christian. A strong spiritual bond in my next relationship will be as important as a strong love bond. I had that kind of relationship and realize how strong that connection was...at least for me. But then life got in the way, I moved away from home and the spiritual connection went into hiding. Here I had prayed so long for the right person to enter my life, God answered, but I never prayed after that for God to keep this person in my life. Now it is too late.

I am not looking forward to dating again. I hate dating and getting to know someone but yet if I want the type of relationship I envision, I will have to put myself out there. No one is going to ride up on their white steed and take me away. However, if by chance you are lunching with God, maybe you could find out how much longer I will have to wait for the love of my life.

I will continue to pray and have faith. I know that my silent prayers will get answered and my broken heart will become brand new...because that is what faith can do. Love is not a fight but it's something worth fighting for and I did try but went about it all wrong and I have messed things up royally.

Help me keep the faith mom and dad, and put in a few good words for me.

I love and miss you both.